(Harambe has fallen, and he can't get up.)
Yesterday, the Dragon Lady prepared shrimp fried rice for dinner. The meal was very good. I ate every last morsel in my bowl. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Cass. Cass is my favorite brand of Korean beer. It's both smooth and delicious.
I watched Game of Thrones. The silver-haired queen now has an army of barbarians at her side. They worship the ground on which she walks. These smelly pagans are also fascinated by her dragons. Meanwhile, the young Stark girl has decided that she doesn't want to be faceless anymore. She sneaks off into the darkness with her identity in tact. Game of Thrones is one of my favorite programs. It keeps me entertained for hours on end.
I paid homage to the Christ God. I said the Lord's Prayer on bended knees. No big surprise. I'm not some dirty nihilist. I thanked The Savior for his many blessings. For instance, I have a nice television and a warm place rest my weary bones. True. My apartment is an absolute dank pit. But things could always be worse. I'm just glad that I wasn't born in Gary, Indiana. Have you seen that shithole?
I went to bed at 10 p.m. I had another strange dream about defecating in the middle of Burger King. To make matters worse, the restaurant was full. I'm shameless when I sleep.
I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I read the paper while enjoying a bathroom break. A woman vacationing in Australia was devoured by a crocodile while swimming with her friend. She was dragged away and eaten in the dark. Not a single piece of hair or bone has been recovered. A rude government official called the lady a fool. He has no respect for the dead and needs to learn some manners.
I turned on CNN. Angry people from around the globe are equating Harambe's death with murder. They want to see the child's mother thrown into prison for neglecting her duties as a parent. What a bunch of utter crap. First of all, it's impossible to murder an animal. One can only murder another human. Secondly, kids do stupid stuff all the time, especially boys. These things happen now and again. And if we have to kill every gorilla on the planet to save one human child, then I say good for us.
Anyway, I've shot my load. So long for now, and God bless everybody.